WITNESS

It’s a strange world we live in. Bowie can be dead, Donald Trump is touring as a stand-up comedian and today (on a Saturday) I was awake and running at 8:30! Believe it or not I limped round a pretty looking London for a tidy 6 miles. For all those, like me, who are sane and have not done running as a hobby, that’s a 10K. So the next time you hear a runner bragging remind yourself it’s 6.2 miles and even I can do it. Not sure when people in the UK started measuring distances in ‘K’. Perhaps it’s because no one wants to run more than 6.2 miles and '10' sounds better. It’s going on the banned list of terms. The marathon, in case anyone was wondering, is 42.1K. A bit of sick came up typing that. Another gross bodily function occurred today whilst running with the temperature dropping somewhat. The condition I experienced I’m going to name ‘Snotpop’. That’s when, whilst running, your nose streams into your tash (unbeknown to you) and freezes. Similar to those intrepid explorers of the poles. It feels good!

Not so hot when you are running with your betrothed, who kindly supported my plight by joining me on an evening run on Wednesday. I hid it. Conversation has to remain short when running with others. One or two word answers and strictly concise stories and questions. A bit like if you were paying for a personal add by the letter. I do like having someone join me while I train. If anyone is a fan of moving slowly through the streets of London and fancies running, cycling or skating alongside me leave your details in the comments section and I’ll be in touch.

To stave off the boredom of longer distances on my own I have developed a new game called ‘RockyBomb’. Basically, pull a pose like Rocky as you run past a tourist taking a picture in the city. If you have already had a dying man in sweatpants ruin your snaps why not post them with the hashtag #beastinglondon

A strange thing happened in my leg as I crossed London Bridge today. My leg hurt and then got really tight. I’m either injured or I have grown a muscle. I slowed and considered stopping. However then I thought about Eddie Izzard running 43 marathon’s back to back and I had a word with myself. I read that a nice marathon technique is to think about someone you admire each mile. It worked a treat today. I will compile a list and add to it over the next 14 weeks before the off. Another motivational factor came into play today thanks to the beauty of iPod shuffle. Roots Manuva winning with this little beauty Witness. You’re welcome sports fans.

Don’t forget the point of all this is to raise loads of lovely money for a brilliant charity called Solace Women’s Aid. You can donate and keep me sweaty right here via my donations page:

www.virginmoneygiving.com/beastinglondon

Thank you!

“You can neither win nor loose if you don’t run the race.”            

(David Bowie). 

THE BEAST IS BACK!

Happy New Year sports fans! Time to get you up to date with my continuous struggle with athleticism. 2015 drew in fast with a Christmas trip to Brighton. Here I ran outside of my usual habitat of smelly pollution ridden London for the first time. Running in wide open spaces with clean sea air is boring and the hum of donuts on the pier, sickening. Met this bloke on my travels however.

He is Steve Ovett. He won the 800m gold in 1980 in the Moscow Olympics. The statue was unveiled in 2012 2 days before the opening of the London Olympics. Incidentally 800m is 0.49 of a mile. Which means I’ll run 52 times the amount run by Steve in the London Marathon. Maybe I’ll get an erection too. Although at the speeds he ran he’d be done in an hour and a half. My target is a modest: finish before people go home.

I have to be honest and say that over Christmas my training lapsed, with my only exercise I did being carrying my kit with me throughout the festive period. I did do some research by interviewing friends who had completed marathons who gave me good advice. A marathon veteran told me reassuringly “Don’t do it!” followed by a discussion about his new titanium knees. 

Christmas came and I received a running related gift from Santa. He gave me one of these Fitbits (Seen on my wrist below). It’s a Star Trek type gadget which allows hackers to know where I am at all times, when I’m asleep, how fat I am and if I have done any exercise at all. When I strapped it on it told me that I had eaten six mince pies, 8 lbs of turkey, 4 lbs of ham, drank four bottles of Prosecco, two bottles of Champagne, ten mugs of mulled wine, fourteen measures of whiskey, twenty pints of beer, twelve bottles of wine and that I had averaged at least two cheeseboards a night since mid-December. My bit that is fit also measures my heart rate which was scary to watch when I opened my London Marathon pack awaiting me when I returned home. It states that the London Marathon (That I am mistakenly running) is on the 24^th April 2016. Countdown begins!

Now it seems real. So I decided to get right to it on January 2^nd once my hangover had subsided. As you can see I reassuringly sweated another wolf and today I nailed another 4 miles to my coffin as part of a sixteen week training schedule I have carved out to ensure I don’t do a Jade Goody.

What does 'CS' stand for on my hat? Enter the competition in the comment section for this blog. The winner with the best guess can choose an item of clothing for me to run in this Sunday!

Unfitbit